Sloe Times

Well, since Ty tagged me for the turn on and turn offs meme I guess I'll have to respond. Of course you realize that I've been married for the near side of a bazillion years and don't really think about these things any more right? Well, before I get on with this, I'll tag Al and BG since they're likely to actually respond with some interesting perspective.

As I sit here fantasizing thinking about what turns me on or off to someone of the opposite sex I figured it was worth breaking down into the Physical, Mental, and Total package categories.
Turn Offs

Physical

• Shaved heads - shave everything else but bald heads don't even work for most men
  
• Too much body art - visible piercings should be limited to 4 or 5 tops, total body should be less than 10. Any more than that and it's just too much. Tattoos should be limited to one or two tasteful bits. With so many other ways to express individuality, why cover up large portions of your skin with permanent art that is subjectively good or bad?
  
• Bigger in the middle than the top or bottom - If you're not pregnant, it's not attractive.
  
• Smoking - It smells bad, makes you smell bad, and ultimately makes you taste bad. Just don't do it, there are better ways to manage stress.
  Mental
  
• Lights are on but no ones home - You can be physically perfect, but if there's nothing going on behind the eyes you're only good for the night... maybe two and a recurring role when things get slow.
  
• No opinion - I'm not looking for a sycophant, I don't need someone who's going to agree with everything I say, it gets boring and I’m not right nearly as often as I think I am.
  
• Keep it Sane - If you can't express yourself in a reasonable way, we're going to have a problem. Drama queens piss me off and manic-depressives are just too much work.
  Total Package
  
• Dependant girls need not apply - any relationship based on the dependency of one or more of the people involved is doomed to some hard times. Probably my number one beef is women who get into a relationship and then want the man to make all the decisions about where to go, what to do, when to do it, etc. Relationships are work, but share the load.
  

Turn Ons

Physical

• Long hair - Fun to comb, play with, tug on, etc... even better when it's a nice red with blonde highlights in color.
  
• Hips - I can't exactly explain it but women with hips turn me on. If there's no curve, it just seems wrong.
  
• Well balanced - an hour glass figure doesn't hurt but what I mean here that there should be some muscle tone and in a normal relaxed state I shouldn't wonder if you could use a burger or 3 to hide the bones protruding from your body.
  Mental
  
• Must play games - card games, board games, computer games, outdoor games (tennis, golf, soccer, etc). Being able to do stuff cooperatively or competitively is awesome.
  
• Must have a sense of humor - must be able to dish it out and take it
  
• Stand up for yourself - In my experience if you're not a pushover then you've got some spirit or fire in you which is fun and healthy :)
  Total Package
  
• Complete me - In any relationship I'm looking for someone who not only shares my interests and life, but also someone that makes me feel like a better person because I'm with them and in turn that feels they are a better person because they are with me. If there's no reward in being together, the attraction will fade because there's no recognition that you're involvement is important to the relationship.
  

posted by Andres Silva  # 8/01/2005 02:42:00 PM