Sloe Times

I finally got to the second episode of The Apprentice on my TIVO this evening and all I have to say is that Caroline had the best, and most telling, statement of the whole show. To paraphrase she said, "A 10 year old kid could do this better." At the time she was talking about the Ice Cream task, but frankly after the first two episodes I think this really applies to the whole process.

The sad part is that, I could not afford to take 15 weeks off from work to show the world how it's done, but I'm confident that there will be a season three, assuming that this season doesn't tank in the ratings, and to that end I will offer my guide to potential candidates on how to survive the show and earn the coveted spot as The Donald's apprentice.

Step One: Know thy self
If you are a social reject that likes to push peoples buttons (no matter what the wife says, this does not describe me.... really, I swear!) you probably want to reel that impulse in.... completely. You're going to be tossed into close proximity with strangers that will want to work with you at first, and then want to shove you out the board room window after they have been inflicted with your special brand of charm and wit.

You're not nearly as funny, cute, smart, talented, attractive, etc... as you think you are. Actions speak louder than words and instead of trying to convince everyone about how good you are by telling them about your past exploits, show them through your ability to work effectively on a team as well as effectively lead a team. The Apprentice is a unique opportunity where your past experiences and self promotion only open the door for you. To step on through you have to put your actions where your mouth is, so shut up, keep your eye on the prize, and do what needs to be done.

Some people don't do so well at self examination and may not know what an annoying jerk they are. Fortunately for them, if they are observant and can listen/accept criticism they may have a chance to correct the behaviors that can make teammates want to work against them instead of with them.

A healthy ego can help you display confidence, ability, and trust. Keep a little humility on the side though because while you may think you're smarter and better than the rest of the wanna-be apprentices, you may just find that someone is smarter, better, and stronger than you in a lot of areas. All is not lost though, you can overcome this with wisdom and experience.

Step Two: Lead Effectively
When it's your turn to be the project manager your priorities are very simple. First, you must understand the task. If you understand what is expected of your team, then you should be able to plan, communicate, and direct your team. Leading by democracy isn't going to work. Too many people have too many opinions and you'll burn precious time if you let everyone have their vote. Since you understand the task at hand, step two is to lay out your vision of how it can be accomplished and solicit feedback to improve weak ideas or enhance the plan to exceed expectations. Once you have a plan for success, step three is to delegate the tasks. If you have communicated the plan and expectations to your team well enough, you should be able to ask for volunteers for specific things and let your team members step up to demonstrate their strengths. If some tasks are left unclaimed you're going to have to delegate. Given the type of people you're likely to be teamed up with, you should be able to trust your team members to pull their weight. That doesn't mean that you don't keep track of what's being done to make sure the team is on track, but it does mean you don't have to be standing over their shoulders telling them how to do something unless they are completely incapable of performing a task. If that's the case, you probably made a mistake in your delegation and you need to correct it immediately. Allowing someone to fail so that you can drag them into the boardroom with you is unacceptable. As the leader, you're expected to adapt and do what is necessary to be successful. If you do this and still end up in the boardroom then you were out played but honestly, if you do it right, the only way you're going that route is if you lost a coin flip style challenge where both teams were super strong.

If you end up in the boardroom be prepared. You planned it, executed it, and failed. Have some ideas of how you could have done better. Now that you have identified some areas of improvement, decide why those specific areas were not as strong as they could be. Was it poor planning? Was it a resource failure? Was it uncontrollable fate that no amount of planning or experience could have foreseen? Honestly though, this is for your own self improvement. The fact is that the tapes have been seen and everyone involved has their perception of how things went. You'll use this mental exercise to adjust those perceptions where necessary but the moment of truth comes when its time to decide who is coming to the boardroom with you to get fired.

From the first minute you met and started talking to the other players, and ultimately your team mates you've been sizing them up and identifying strengths and weaknesses. In your mind you've got a running rating of your team mates from strongest to weakest. Unless the strong member did something some monumentally stupid (Bradford) you want to bring the weakest team members with you. The reason is simple, a stronger team reduces the chance of ending up in the boardroom again. When asked why you picked them, the answer is simple. Based on what you've seen to date, they are the weakest members of the team and you feel that the team has a greater chance of success without one of them. Don't be afraid to verbalize what it is about that person that makes them the weakest team member in your mind. It's review time and fortunately no one is perfect (including you) so keep your comments constructive and professional. Everyone wants to survive so the people you brought with you are also going to be trying to take you down. Acknowledge their criticism of you and politely disagree if necessary. Getting into a childish argument of "Yes you are!" and "No I'm not!" isn't impressing anyone. If Trump cares why you disagree, he'll ask and you have an opportunity to explain why a perceived weakness is not what it seems. Don't use your rebuttal to attack your team mate, you've had your say and dodging the opportunity to represent yourself so that you can try and flip the script on your team mate isn't altering any perception, you're just dodging the issue.

Step Three: Be an Indian
We've all heard the saying about too many chiefs and not enough indians. When it is someone else's turn to lead the team you're going to have a role to play, and it shouldn't be to undermine the leader. Participate in the planning and offer suggestions. Give advice when asked, and sometimes when you haven't been asked. Open communication is as important for the team members as it is for the Project Manager. If they don't know what you're thinking, they can't adjust a possible mistake or improve the teams chances of succeeding without feedback. Pull your weight. If you've been involved in the planning, you know what is expected of you for a given task. If you need someone to tell you want to do, or rather how to accomplish your part of the task, you either volunteered for something that was way over your head or you didn't speak up when tasks were being delegated to let the leader know that this was a weakness for you and that you were not comfortable with your ability to perform the task. Not knowing how to do something and saying so is less of a sign of weakness than making a half assed attempt at a task and then blaming the project manager for poor direction or leadership (although a PM who's on top of things will realize you're floundering and should adapt the plan).

If you end up in the board room, you already know in your mind what your perceptions of the strengths and weaknesses are of the other two people with you. If the task could have been done better, say so and support that position. Be prepared to identify why things could not have been done any better than they were. Individual mistakes and quirks are well know to everyone because it was caught on tape. Unless an individuals activities directly impacted the teams success do not try and attach the failure to a single person. The team failed. Presuming that your part in the task (and previous tasks) were performed at 100%, or more, of your abilities speak to that when it comes time to state your case of why you shouldn't be fired. When it comes time to respond to who you think should be fired, use the same process as if you were the leader who got to choose the two team members with you. Identify the weaknesses and why firing the weakest of the two would improve the teams ability to succeed in the future.

Step Four: The Task at Hand
Keep things simple. The more complex you make the solution to a task/problem the more opportunities you're providing the team to fail. This has nothing to do with risk and everything to do with understanding what has to be done and being able to execute on it. I believe that by keeping solutions simple and straight forward, you can take a little more risk but be able to reduce it while maximizing the reward because simple plans are easier to adjust when risky activities throw curves your way.

Contribute as much as possible, especially in areas that you consider to be your strengths. Positive visibility is the key. Remember, you know you're great, but by showing your teammates and everyone else that you can do things successfully and efficiently, you're building a good reputation and visibility to the people you want to hire you. Building the perception of strength and success through action is the key to winning. Not just on a silly game show, but in life in general.

Appendix A: Choosing a Team Name
Why does so much effort get wasted on something so meaningless? I mean really. Yes, you need a team name, but your objective is simple. You want something that sounds cool and represents success, power, and ability. My suggestion, make two lists of six words. The first list should be words that imply scope like International, Infinity, and Total. The second list of words should imply success, power, or ability like Professional, Solution, and Triumph. Number each entry in the columns one through six and then take six small pieces of paper (numbered of course) and draw one from a hat two times. Combine the two words drawn and that's you're team name. You'll want to avoid something like planets and electronics for categories since Dilbert has already shown us that you're likely to end up with Uranus Hertz.