Sloe Times

I blame this completely on Flynn. During a much too late to be awake conversation as we were trying to go to sleep a few hours before we wanted to be up for more gaming he threw out the opening snippet of lyrics to Sir Mix-A-Lot's song "Baby Got Back" (I can't honestly remember why now) and I thought it would be amusing if the song were tweaked to be about goth chicks (of which we had seen a few gorgeous ones wandering around the con) and of all the things that got stuck in my head until I could spit it out, this was it. So, for better or worse, here it is. Aside from turning this out the part that scares me is that I used some references I didn't even know I knew. There's a reference to a character from Underworld the movie (Kate Beckinsale, yummy) and Vampire: The Requiem. Go figure.

Baby Wears Black
Tarador (adapted/spoofed from Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back)

Spoken:
Oh my god, Becky, look at her skin
It is so pale
She looks like one of those corpses in the morgue
Who understands those gamer types
They only talk to her because she looks like a hot vampire, ok?
I mean her skirt
It’s just so short
I can’t believe how tight her top is
It’s just so out there
I mean, it’s scary
Look, she’s just so goth

Sung:
I like goth chicks and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with garters and lace
And leather boots in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that belly was pierced
And stockings that barely reach the skirt she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that tattoo you got
Me so horny
Ooh, rub that pale skin
You say you wanna share your friend?
Well use me, use me
Cuz you ain’t that average groupy

I’ve seen them walkin’

The hell with romancin’
She’s tight, white, got it goin’ like dyn-o-mite

I’m tired of magazines

Saying tanned skin’s the only thing
Take the average gamer and ask him that
She gotta have pale skin front and back, so

Fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)
Has your girlfriend got body gems? (hell yeah)
Well flash it, flash it, flash that pierced skin
Baby wears black

I like’em trim with curves
And when I’m gaming with the pervs
I just can’t help myself
I’m actin like an animal
Now here’s my scandal

I wanna get you to the hotel
With your friend, I won’t tell
I ain’t talkin’ bout Playboy
Cuz those types don’t game with boys
I want ’em real, fun and freaky
So find that freaky double
Tarador’s in trouble
Two chicks at once, I’ll juggle

So I’m lookin’ at porn videos
Watchin’ these bimbos with boobs like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I’ll keep my women like Selene
A word to the vampire sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won’t cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna suck
Til the break of dawn
Baby, I got it goin on
A lot of punks won’t like this song
Cuz them posers like to hit it and quit it
But I’d rather stay and play
My stake is long and strong
And I like to play Vampire all night long

So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
If you wanna roleplay my coteries
Then turn around
Take my arm
Cuz everyone’s got to know
Baby wears black

Spoken:
Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo ain’t got nothing to do with my selection
36-26-36
Only if she’s got pale skin